This article is about how to make better choices by asking
yourself 3 or 4 questions before deciding which option you want to choose. The choices
are based on a video series and workbook by Andy Stanley, a Pastor at North
Point Community Church.
We all have to make choices in life. And sometimes we’re put
into situations where knowing which choice to make is very difficult. But if
you ask yourself these three questions (4 if you’re a Christian), then you will
undoubtedly make better choices in those situations.
The first question you need to ask yourself is: “What is the
real reason why I would want to choose each option?” We are all experts at
deceiving ourselves and rationalizing our decisions to choose options that we know
deep down aren’t the best ones to choose. Do you really want to eat everything
on your plate even though you’re full because there are starving children in
Africa so it’s not right for you to waste food? Or is it really because you
like the taste of it? Do you want to tell your friend that you can’t help them
move because you really have something else more important to do? Or is it
because you just don’t want to do the work?
When you are faced with a decision to make, ask yourself
what the real reason for your choice would be. I’m not saying that this will
guarantee that you’ll definitely choose the best option if you ask yourself
this question – but at least you won’t be lying to yourself about it anymore which
is a good start.
The next questions to ask is: “What is the story I want to
be able to tell?” When you have a decision to make – especially a big one –
think about what the probable result will be months and years down the road.
How do you want to be able to tell that story?
As time passes in our lives, all events no matter how big
and important they seemed while they were happening, get boiled down to a few
sentences in the story of our lives. If you’ve made poor choices in the past,
if you were to tell your story to someone you’d probably gloss over those
pretty quickly, leave out the details about the poor choices you made, or be
somewhat ashamed, embarrassed or regretful about them. Those aren’t fun stories
to tell…
When we tell our stories, we want to be able to tell good
stories. We want to tell stories that make us look like good people, where we
had adversities but overcame them because of the good choices we made. So think
about what your story will be like depending on the option you choose before
you make your decisions and choose the one that will result in a story you will
want to tell.
The third question you need to ask yourself when faced with
a decision to make is: “Is there a tension that needs my attention?” Many times
when we are about to make a decision to choose one option rather than the
other(s), we’ll feel a little uncomfortable about it for some reason. Maybe
your conscience is nagging you about it for some reason, or you don’t feel
quite right about one little aspect of that option, or it just doesn’t feel
quite right. Pay attention to that
tension you’re experiencing – it may be because that’s not the best option for
you to choose.
When you feel a tension about a particular option, pay
attention to it! Don’t just dismiss it and move on. Stop and dwell on it for a
second and let it get as big as it can get. If after you dwell on it for a
little while, you don’t feel right about it then that should give you an idea
of whether or not that’s the right option for you to choose. Or maybe after you
dwell on it for a bit, you realize it’s really no big deal or you just need a
little more information to ease that tension. Either way, in order to make the
best choice you can, you must pay attention to any tension you feel before you
make your choice.
Lastly, if you are a Christian, there is another question
you should ask yourself. This one can be a little dangerous though because it
may cause you to do things that you would otherwise not have done, and that may
seem strange to non-Christians. This question is: “What would be most honoring
to God?”
When you ask this question, you are really getting to the
heart of being able to make the best decision possible. Our lives as Christians
are dedicated to being as much like Christ as possible, more and more each day.
We are to be obedient to God in all our thoughts and actions. Obviously, we
fail at that pretty often since we’re not perfect. But our goal is to strive
for perfection nonetheless. So when you ask this question, you may find that it
would be most honoring to God to do something that you would not have done
otherwise. Maybe if your decision is about where to go on vacation, when you
ask this question, the thought about the single mother you met in church the
other day. The one who just lost her job because her car broke down and she
didn’t have the money to get it fixed so she couldn’t get to work and you
overheard praying for help from God to help her with her finances so she could
get food and clothes for her kids, get a new job, and fix her car. Maybe you’d
realize that it would be most honoring to God to give her an anonymous gift of
the money you were going to go on vacation with and skip your fancy getaway
vacation this year and just spend some more time with your family and friends
during your vacation instead.
Most non-Christians would think that was crazy – nice, but
crazy! Even many Christians would likely be surprised. But God would be proud
and would undoubtedly bless you in ways you couldn’t imagine. You’d have a good
story to tell, and the single mother would have an even better one, and both
stories would bring glory to God as they should. You would feel good about
yourself and have no tension in the decision you made, and you would have no
problem admitting to yourself what the real reason you made that choice was.
So the next time you have a decision to make – especially a
big one – stop and ask yourself these questions first. They will help guide you
towards making more good decisions, and your life and the lives of others will
be better because of them.
